Oprah calls them ‘Aha’ moments – those moments when you experience sudden insight or discovery. Psychologists describe them as ‘sudden comprehension that solves a problem, reinterprets a situation, explains a joke, or resolves an ambiguous perception’. It is also known as ‘The Eureka Effect’ which refers to the ‘common human experience of suddenly understanding a previously incomprehensible problem or concept’.
We have all had them. Our ‘Aha’ moments all differ based on our lives, acquaintances, experiences, personalities. Recently, however, the moments that I have been experiencing, were much less sugar-coated and much more along the lines of, ‘WTF’ moments – moments that made me question myself on so many levels; moments that made me wonder if I was in the twilight zone; moments that made me wonder if the people involved were of the same planet as me.
1. I have a WTF moment every time a parent says to me with a straight and serious face, that their child is still very sheltered, innocent and shy. They even go on to explain that they are lacking in self-esteem but are so happy to be working on those problems. I slip into a WTF moment when I get déjà vu visions of the same children practically attached by the lips to their boyfriends/girlfriends in public, away from the same parents. I realised just how deluded some parents are about their children and how very much they are NOT amenable to an insight into the truth. Parents, please have a relatively realistic knowledge of your offspring. While you all hope for perfection and even assume that your children are, being created in the eyes of God and love and your spouse and all that good stuff, the reality is that you gave them life, but you do not control who they become. Be very careful how you boast about them. They tend to bring you embarrassment, not because anything is wrong with them, but because your perception of them is warped into a false sense of the actual truth. Children are NOT perfect. They were never meant to be. They were meant to human.
2. I had a huge WTF moment when I realised just how very dangerous power can be. If not filtered properly, one’s professional position begins to make them believe with all that is inside them, that they are better than others; that they are more powerful than others. It can blind the weak in mind from their actual reality and these delusions of grandeur make them forget time and place and behave petty over the most trivial of matters. Supervisors, Middle management, Managers, Directors should really try not lose their sense of self, their send of humanity, empathy and compassion. It should at least not be replaced with arrogance or haughtiness, because by doing so, they create a work environment that breeds power struggles, dishonesty and unhappiness. My WTF moment blew me away. I realised, in a sudden jolt, exactly how much some people need to feel important over others, without actually being able to understand the phenomenon. My WTF moment of being reprimanded over the triviality of where I park, made me wonder about people’s home lives. I truly believe that when people are happy at home and live in equality and harmony with their partners, they feel no need to exert aggression and control over those with whom they work. In fact, when one’s home life is fulfilled, they see the workplace as somewhere that people all work together as one team on one level, working towards one goal. Like they say, Power in the hands of stupid people, can be dangerous – Hitler proved it.
3. I still believe that ‘time’ changes us, whether we accept it or not, whether we realise it or not, or whether we want it or not. However, I recently realised that some people need a whole lot more time to change into someone better, stronger, softer and kinder. Until then, they remain the same old bitter souls that they always were. I feel that if someone approaches you kindly about a matter, there is no need to gloat, or laugh, or be mean. Reproach is a way of trying to instill indignity into others, by use of your own over-indulged pride. While being reproachful may bring someone that pleasure of ‘sticking it’ to someone else, all it really does is remind others of who you really are – someone who is vengeful and unforgiving, tactless and lacking in grace. So when I had the WTF moment of being reproached recently, I felt hurt for an instant, confused about its necessity, in disbelief about its lack of value. Then I realised that the problem wasn’t mine.
4. I realise that many people do not like to see others happy or successful and will find every single ridiculous reason that they can, to dirty their waters. It comes from a place of dire insecurity, whether personal or professional or both, and it skews their vision of all that is true and fair. This is something that happens regularly in the workplace, as well as in families. This has caused to me to have many WTF moments. These moments occur every time someone says that I married younger than me because of desperation, or when they ask a question about my life and I answer them honestly, then they say I boast. Or if I succeed at some silly, trivial thing, and people them criticise me before I even start the task. These things evoke a very loud WTF in my mind, but then I remind myself that happy people don’t condemn and confident women do not hate.
5. I have always known that family isn’t always about blood. It’s about the amazing people we meet and who enter our lives, bringing joy, and generosity and love with them into it. Sometimes your blood can be the some of the most discriminating people, your hardest critics and the most callous gossipers that exist. Blood family can find it so easy to turn their backs on you for reasons that often escape my capabilities of understanding, while other family members are so giving of their love, care, support, inclusion, encouragement. My WTF moment happened some years ago when I realised the extent to which I did not fit the mold of what was expected of me, but instead of communicating with me, I was banished from the kingdom of the obviously more-righteous than me. Another WTF moment occurred recently when I realised that not only was I not needed, but I was not wanted. These moments hurt like hell. But at the end of the day, people show you how they feel about you by the way in which they treat you, the ways in which they include or exclude you from their lives and their loved ones and by the ways in which they speak about you behind your back, especially when they believe you never found out what was said. But that’s okay, everyone has their own journey to follow, and I will never get in the way of anyone following theirs.
6. The best WTF moment I have ever had, was when I looked at my husband the day we got married. It was a whirlwind moment, of seeing where we came from and from what we came through, to where we were at that moment. All I could have thought was WTF did I ever do in my life to deserve you.