For the men who claimed to love us, but didn’t know how…we thank you

We are so grateful to those who tried to love us but didn’t know how. I speak for them. I speak for who can’t. I speak for those who won’t.

I am grateful for all that you have taught and shown me, and led me to discover, uncover and recover in myself. If it wasn’t for you, I would not have grown into the person I am today. The list is endless, of all the lessons I learnt.

Thank you for every time you called me fat – it made me realise that my size was more important to you than it was to me. I finally stopped judging myself by how much I weighed and started assessing how I felt. It made me understand that being skinny was far less important than being a good person. Your issues with my body were yours, not mine. I embrace who I am and what I look like because this imperfect body houses a happy soul.

Thank you for every time you allowed others to disrespect me in your presence and did nothing about it. It taught me the true meaning of loyalty. I finally understood that right and wrong have no shades of grey, and since you were a far stretch from Christian himself, their and your loyalty was flaccid.

Thank you for complaining that I am high maintenance. For that one all I can say is…I know right!

Thank you for trying to tame me into submission. It made me embrace my free spirit. I realised that a heart like mine cannot and does not want to be tamed. Your attempt at molding me into something I was never born to be helped me to unleash myself, my true self to this world that I love. My intimidation raised your insecurity and for that I am sorry, but I was unable to blossom within the boundaries of your comfort level.

Thank you for every time you hit me. It taught me to hit back. It made me discover and develop my own strength of muscle and character. It taught me that I can also cause damage, if need be, and I feel no guilt in doing so. It gave me pleasure in the weights I can lift and the pain I can cause with the muscles that grew.

Thank you for teaching me the true meaning of adultery as opposed to infidelity. I finally understood that the actual affair was just the adultery. The actual infidelity was so much more than that. Infidelity was the choice you made to no longer work on us. It manifested itself every time you lied, every time you had to lie. Infidelity was blaming me for every downfall in a relationship while you were in a relationship with someone else. Infidelity was making me think that everything under the sun, including the war in the Middle East, was my fault. Freeing myself from such a heavy responsibility allowed my heart to roam free.

Thank you for loving me so wrongly. If it weren’t for that, I would never be able to recognise and accept right love. I would have gone through this one and only life that I have, believing that wrong love was the only love. You helped me to recognise what was healthy love, kind love, patient love, and passionate love – a love you never gave, but a love I had buried deep inside me, just waiting to burst free and wild.

Thank you for resenting my individuality. It reinforced who I was, am and meant to be. I realised the importance of being true to who I am rather than finding happiness in pretending to be someone I wasn’t, so that you could feel more comfortable with who you were. Because of you, I can finally celebrate who I am, share who I am and allow others to love who I am.

Thank you for showing me that my flaws are perfect for the heart that is meant to love me.


Disclaimer – This is the story of countless women throughout the ages. It’s your story, my story, our story and will continue to be the story of so many more women, if we don’t teach our daughters differently, if we don’t do better by our sons….